Posts in category Helping your neighbor

And The Darkness Will NOT Overcome – Us

John 1:5 “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

This week’s news of the Boston Marathon bombings was a kick in the gut, a story that hits close to home. For me, it was especially close because last year, my brother-in-law ran the Boston marathon and my sister and their family were standing in the same place where this week’s explosions occurred.

I heard the news on my car radio and I felt the energy just seep out of my body, almost as though I was paralyzed. I felt so incompetant to help, to change anything about it. It’s one of the many times I’ve wished I could be a super-spy like Jason Bourne or a detective like Sherlock so I could save the day BEFORE someone gets hurt.

Days like this sometimes make me feel like the dark side of the force is winning. After all, yesterday’s event is just one of many tragic situations we’ve witnessed lately. When I see them happening, I feel a nagging fear at the edges of my mind and I worry for a moment about my children’s future in a world containing people who would set a bomb with the intent to murder innocent people, including children. It is the kind of darkness that steals our energy, our faith in our fellowman, our hope for a better future, if we choose to let it.

Part of me wishes I could gather my small brood and turn inward, away from all the ugliness. Part of me wishes I could protect them from the pain of loss and death. But my own intimate acquaintance with heart wrenching loss have taught me this is not possible. It is only possible to know none of us are immune to loss and to remember to hope because joy does come in the morning.

I remember how, in the midst of my own early experiences with grief, I felt angry that the people around me went on when my world was imploding. How could they continue to see joy when I was hurting so much? How could they go on like nothing had happened when such a huge part of my life was over? How could they be out enjoying the beauty of the sunshine when for me the light of day only seemed to illumine what I had lost? A dark cloud hid the sun’s warmth and life giving light from me.

But I kept getting out of bed each day. I kept putting one foot in front of the other. As the pain subsided a little, I vowed not to live in fear or grief forever but to find the moments of joy along with the pain of each day.

One day when I woke, I opened my eyes and realized there was a smile on my lips as I faced the prospect of a new day. And I realized that those around me needed to go on while I felt so lost, not only for their own survival but to ensure mine as well. Somebody had to keep the world turning so it would be there when I was ready to rejoin it.

So while I went to bed Monday night feeling undone by the day’s events, grief wrapping around my throat, the morning was a different story.

Tuesday morning, I woke with the warm light of the sun on my face and I found hope filling my thoughts. I know those who were hurt or lost loved ones might not be feeling that hope yet. But this time, I am one of those who will keep watch until they have regained their strength.

I don’t need to have Bourne’s secret agent skills to stand against the darkness. I don’t need to be able to hunt down the evil doers with the focused intensity of Holmes. We certainly need people who fight that way but my role is a little different.

Today I grieve with those affected by the bombings and with those who suffer pain around the world at the hands of those who channel darkness. Feeling that loss with them reminds me I am not an island. I am connected to my fellowman.

But I will not just grieve. I will be part of the light brigade.

Today, I will do my part to face down the darkness within my own circle of influence. I will look for those who are feeling hopeless, discouraged, hungry, desperate, grief stricken and I will offer what I have – even if it is small – to help.

I will teach my children kindness.

I will encourage them to choose to live honorably, with integrity.

I will teach them to love all people and to treat them with respect even if they do not believe the same things about life, God or politics.

I will show them how to stand up for those who need a champion and a hand up.

We cannot underestimate the value of taking the time to look outside our own needs. It could change the entire course of another person’s life – for the better. It might even make the difference between a life spent in the shadows or one bathed in Light.

I will grieve.

But I will also pray. I will also hope.

I will also believe that each person has the potential to turn to that Light and I will encourage every person in my path to do so.

Today, I will blaze a light in the darkness by being one myself.

Posted in Live NOW - Tagged Boston marathon bombings, darkness, evil, good, light, the light shines in the darkness, tragedy

OM Cafe Connects: Hope, A Domestic Abuse Survivor’s Story Part 1

This is the story of a woman I have known for over 15 years. We were married about the same time but then moved into different circles. Recently, we got in touch with each other again and I was heartbroken to learn her story.

I’ll warn you that these stories are graphic in nature and hard to read. I did not want my contributors to sugar coat them so you can see what life in an abusive relationship is really like.

By the way, in the interest of breaking down stereotypes about abuser and victims – This writer is white, employed, a responsible mother and has a loving family. Yet, she still found herself in a terrible relationship that almost cost her her life.

I won’t be sharing the names of any of survivors or abusers this month to protect their privacy and safety so they will all have pseudonyms.

Hope’s Story

I’m here to share my story regarding domestic violence. I was in an abusive marriage, for 4 years. I’ve been divorced from him for 8. We have a son together.

When people think about being abused, they think physical abuse or hitting. But, its a lot more then just that. My ex-husband used strangulation as his way of intimidating me, his way to control me. He was verbally abusive, along with emotional abuse. The first time he strangled me was a year after we got married. I never thought he would do that or hurt me like that.

When I was 8 months pregnant, he screamed at me for an hour, telling me he didn’t love me, he had never loved me while I curled up in a fetal position, sobbing.

He strangled me again after our son was born, grabbed my neck and shoved me into the refrigerator. I snatched up our son and went to our bedroom and locked the door. He kicked the door in and came towards me with his fist. I yelled to him I’m holding our son. He actually stopped.

Of course, he’s always sorry for what he did. He swore at me throughout our marriage. He called me “fuckin’ bitch”, “cunt”, “piece of shit”. He even our son to his face that I was a “piece of shit”. Children who hear the abuse and witness the abuse will mimic what they see. My son did to a “t”. He was one at the time he saw his dad do it too.

The third time he strangled me was after I found out the woman he had an affair with was pregnant. I was upset obviously, I said things out of anger. His way of disagreeing with me was trying to kill me. He used both hands this time. His mom tried to pull him off of me. All while our son watched. My thoughts were so clouded by abuse, I was more worried about him going to her than I was by what he did to me.

The next morning I went to church, my entire neck bruised all down to my chest. I wore a shirt that showed it, there was no way of hiding it. I talked to my friends, they noticed it. Not one friend or person asked, “Are you ok?” I was so hurt by that. I can understand their not knowing what to say, but the ones I’ve known forever? How could they let me walk away having seen that?

I eventually found the courage to divorce him.

After my divorce, I started dating a man from church. I thought he was the exact opposite of the man I married. He definitely had me believe that. Then he became extremely controlling.

He never got physical with me, but he controlled me with money and religion. He kept me from having guy friends, because he was sure I would cheat on him if I did. I wasn’t allowed to go out with my girl friends because I might cheat on him then too. If I did, they were from church and I had to tell him what all I did and with who.

It became worse. He started sleeping with other girls to punish me for talking to a guy. I had to prove how much I loved him. He would call my house phone, cell phone and leave a message. Over a two year period, we broke up twice.

I started seeing another guy but I was just looking for an out from my other relationship. My ex-boyfriend and I were on good terms until he found out I was pregnant. He became even more controlling. Especially since I was with another guy. He called non-stop, screaming at me and threatening me.

All I did was cry every day because of it. He made it very clear he would do anything to take it away from me. I told him I was going to go out of town, to think. I needed time away from everything. I told him to not call me. The moment I arrived at my destination, he started calling and texting – harassing me once again.

I came to a difficult decision, one I knew nobody would agree with or be happy about. I decided to get an abortion. I knew I could not bring a child into another unhealthy situation while I was going through a custody battle. I made my peace with God.

It hurts that the people at church who knew this situation took sides. I never thought this could happen in church. But it did. People I knew for years knew – and did nothing. In fact, they continued to be his friend.

I’ve learned so much out of all this. I’ve learned it’s not easy to leave. In my marriage, we had a child. You think, “How can I leave and take care of my child?” In my next relationship the man I was dating paid for everything. He made me believe I could not support my son without him. These men pray on the vulnerable. They know when you are in a vulnerable position.

It’s hard to end a normal relationship, because you love this person. But an abusive relationship? You still love that person regardless of the abuse, it doesn’t change it.

So many women feel shame, like its their fault because that’s all they’ve been told. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, especially with the second guy. But, I know in the end God has forgiven me.

I’m sharing this in the hopes that more people will be educated, know signs to look for.

Pastors need to talk about it so they can say this is not right. God would not allow this. This is a reason to leave. So many men use religion to control women. They know just the right Bible verses to use against them.

I don’t believe in the kind of God who would condone this.

Part 2, Hope’s interview

Please share this post on your facebook page, pinterest, twitter, tumbler, wherever – and invite more voices into this conversation.

Posted in Domestic Violence

Being the “Somebody”: OM Cafe Announcement

October is Domestic Violence month and I’ll be giving time to this issue on the blog all month.

I’ll share some of the statistics I’ve learned about this issue since beginning to research it. They are staggering and may shock you – as they did me. In fact, domestic abuse rates are so high, chances are, you know someone who is currently in an abusive relationship.

But this has become a lot more than statistics and facts for me.

It is easy to think about domestic abuse in a theoretical manner when there’s no face attached to the stats.

It is easy to criticize victims for getting themselves into abusive relationships and for not leaving.

It is easy to demonize abusers and write them off as forever broken and not worth saving.

It is easy to read a statistic, feel shocked and think, “Somebody should do something about this issue!” Then, get sucked back into the routine of life.

But this month is not about easy.

It’s not about being shocked.

This month is about taking action. It’s about being the “Somebody” who is doing something about it.

I don’t want to live life theoretically. I don’t want to read a statistic and forget that there’s a person involved.

I intend -

to speak the truth
share the challenges
be involved in the solution

I will be the somebody who makes the difference in my home, my church, my school, my community.

Stick with me this month, friends. I’ve invited people into my cafe who can speak authoritatively on this issue. They’ll share their thoughts, their challenges and the ways where we can join them to make our community a better, safer place.

My two requests for you are -

1. Show up. Many of you have expressed a desire to make a difference in your community. This is a great place to start.

2. Help me spread the word! Share this post with your friends via social media, email, word of mouth.

Don’t miss the conversation this month. Subscribe to the OM Cafe. I’m committed to your privacy and it’s free!

Think victims choose to be abused? A Son’s Story of Surviving Domestic Violence might change your mind.

Posted in Domestic Violence

Chik-fil-A’s Stand for Christ. That’s Right. I’m a Jesus Freak.

It seems like everyone has weighed in on the Chick-fil-A controversy so I will too. I can no longer contain my disappointment and OUTRAGE.

As a follower of Christ, I feel the Christian community has handled the situation with sagacity and compassion.

In fact, I see Jesus everywhere in the way the conservative community in particular has responded both in obeying Christ’s direct instructions about sharing the gospel and in trying to follow the example of His life, especially in the political arena.

In particular, Christians have really followed Jesus’s instructions to go into the world and preach the gospel to every place, especially to friends who agree with them, on Facebook and even where they go to eat fried chicken.

Second, Christians have done a very thorough job of letting gays and non-Christians everywhere know that people in “traditional marriages” are morally and intellectually superior to those who are depraved enough to marry someone of the same sex.

Of course we love gay people while hating their sin. In this instance, love obviously doesn’t require me to know any “real” gay people or maintain an actual friendship with them.

But we are compelled, by scripture, to respond to this situation with point by point blog posts about how narrow-minded, hateful, hypocritical, bigoted and (possibly) high (or mentally ill) these liberals really are.

Clearly.

( I have a feeling when this whole controversy blows over, gay people are going to come flocking to our churches to get to know the Jesus who inspires such a righteous political stand. ‘Cause argument and, you know, political successes have a way of winning hearts and minds to Christ. Wouldn’t you agree?)

The righteous anger with which we’ve supported poor (well, actually super, super wealthy – *whatever*), picked-on Dan Cathy is absolutely admirable. Cathy is like a martyr for the faith.

After all, he is being persecuted for standing up for Jesus and following Christ’s instructions to politically enforce God’s law in all areas of civic life.

I mean, even Billy Graham is coming out of political retirement to eat a chicken sandwich. Hello!

I personally believe these moments are among the primary reasons Jesus came to ~~America~~.

Oops. I meant earth.

We are so lucky to have lots of examples from Jesus of how to handle these little Christian marketing snafus.

I made it a point this weekend to look up a few in the Holy Scriptures.

Jesus made a practice of making people “stop sinning” before he would save them. If they wouldn’t stop, He set a precedent of using the law to regulate the behavior of non-believers so that they were forced to obey.

He especially practiced this form of proselytizing with Zacchaeus ( Luke 19:1-10) and Levi (Luke 5:27-32), both tax collectors who were utterly reviled in their own culture.

Wait.

Guess I was wrong there. Just read the passage in Luke 5. To Levi, Jesus only said “Follow me.” And the power of Christ’s love and His call causes Levi to forsake his fortune and corrupt ways to follow Jesus.

Huh. Whatever. That’s just one verse. I’m sure in the story of Zacchaeus, Jesus expected change first, salvation next.

Or not.

In Luke 19, news of Jesus’ life changing power reached Zacchaeus before Christ even arrived. The Z-man was so enticed by the stories of Jesus’ power and love, he climbed a tree to catch a glimpse. Jesus went home with the Z-man to eat and drink with him (translation: Hang out) – all before Zacchaeus changed a darn thing.

After dinner, Zacchaeus seemed to get the idea that Jesus loved him – just the way he was (silly right?). The power of Christ’s love and presence caused Zacchaeus to repent of his corrupt ways on the spot. He promised restitution to his victims – times 4~!

Ok, so I was wrong in these two cases. But these guys were only tax collectors (thieves in their day). They weren’t gay.

I searched for verses to support how angry I am supposed to be at the gay community and the liberals for threatening the status of marriage in America, thus threatening the foundation of our culture and our status as a “Christian nation”.

Here’s what I found.

I started reading story after story about how Jesus interacted with people who were clearly in terrible need of him. He actually sought to love the people most disenfranchised because of behavior that defied cultural “norms”.

Instead of discovering scriptures supporting the righteous conservative Republican political agenda I know Jesus endorses, I keep running into verses about loving my neighbor, being humble, slow to anger and slow to speak.

Instructions from Jesus like:

These from the Sermon on the Mount as portrayed in Matthew 5:44-48, when Jesus said not only should we pray for our enemies, we’re supposed to love them.

Ugh. I’m praying all right…For their complete political defeat!

This one in Matthew 22:35-40 where Jesus says the law and the prophets depend on Loving God with all our hearts, souls and minds – and our neighbors as ourselves.”

Maybe this verse supports the kind of “love” that encourages me to let someone know how much they’re sinning before they know Jesus, right? Especially if they are gay.

Although, this passage in 1 Corinthians 13 doesn’t seem to support that idea… It says all these asinine things like “love is patient, kind…doesn’t seek it’s own, is not arrogant or easily provoked” blah, blah, blah…

Eh. That’s just a poem people read at weddings to fill space and it obviously only applies to people who already agree with me. Obviously if a political opponent is being stupid and illogical, I can make fun of them on Facebook or at least point out their obvious errors in logic.

People stupid enough to disagree with me need to get over any ideas they have about my unkind words standing between them and Jesus.

In John 8:1-11, a group of Pharisees brings a woman actually caught (in the act!) of committing adultery to Jesus for judgment. Finally, some hard core moral people.

Levitical law says she should be stoned (Ha! Proof that we can govern moral behavior in civic law). Jesus acts all calm, like she’s not leading the culture straight to hell, and says that the person in the crowd who hasn’t sinned should throw the first rock. The accusers slink away like cowards.

Wimps. It’s the law. Give me the rock!

In John 4:1-41, Jesus goes out of His way to converse with a Samaritan woman, someone with whom a Jewish person wouldn’t normally associate. Not only is she socially undesirable based on her ethnic background, she’s clearly debauched even by our cultural norms.

Five marriages??? Sheesh.

But when Jesus sees her at a well, not only does He greet her, He asks her for a drink and stays to talk. She sees truth and love in His eyes and hears it in His words. She chooses to follow Him and so do a bunch of her friends.

Huh. Maybe these “love” methods worked back in HIS day but we’re Americans and we have a right and duty to uphold morality through government intervention in daily life (as long as it has nothing to do with our money).

So, I checked the Old Testament too – to find out if there was some hard core sacrifice I could give to prove my faith.

You know, like giving money to a political organization that ensures sinful people like the gays don’t get to do gross stuff in front of my kids like kiss or get married. That undermines the family far more than divorce. I’m not putting any money toward enforcing civil sanctions against people who commit adultery. Or maybe I should…?

Instead I found this verse in Micah about loving my neighbor and being humble before God.

No matter where I look for answers, I keep finding Jesus saying things like…

the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost Luke 19:10

I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance Luke 5:32

Everywhere I look in scripture, Jesus isn’t banging people over the head with his Old Testament scroll, shouting, “You’re so gross and deviant! We’re changing and enforcing moral laws to make you do the right thing!” After all, He was God right? Couldn’t he have been a hard core enforcer?

For some reason, he’s really kind of a wuss when it comes to showing off His power in enforcing morality. He seems interested in a more lasting, internal kind of change.

Jesus meets each person exactly where he or she is, dirty and broken, sinful and defiant. He meets each person’s (perceived or real) physical need for healing, food, water and friendship (yes, FRIENDSHIP with “worldly” people!) before convicting them of whatever it is in their life that needs to change.

When Jesus sends His disciples into the world as He is leaving, He tells them to preach the gospel to every nation. When he tells them they’re the light of the world, a “city on a hill”, he’s talking about their good works, not their political agenda.

I.am.so.DISAPPOINTED - in this version of Jesus.

He is nothing like the strong, powerful policy changer I anticipated.

I was sure He came to save me from the heavy weight of a government that clearly overreaches its powers to interpret the Constitution, taxes me to the point of oppression and fails to properly legislate morality.

Seems like all He really cares about is reconciling my broken connection to God. He even says in Isaiah 64:6 my good works are like dirty rags – Mine! He doesn’t seem to get that the consequences of my very small, white sins are not nearly as gross and unnatural as those of the deviant liberal people, and therefore less sinful.

The Jesus I keep finding in the Bible seems more interested in offering me a restored relationship with God and healing the broken parts of me than He is about my being His bully enforcer.

He wants me to follow some CRAZY - humble, servant-like, felon loving, poor-people-feeding & clothing path. Matthew 25:31-4

Yuck, yuck, yuck! – more instructions and verses I don’t like!!! He even suggests He’ll judge me by these standards instead of my voting record or my volunteer work – at church.

Bugger. I really thought He was going to be impressed with my industrious nature and conservative political leanings.

Instead, He wants to know why I keep calling Him “Lord” while not wanting to follow His instructions and example of humility and love for all people. Luke 6:46-49.

I’ll tell you why I don’t want to follow it.

I don’t like this version of Jesus.

There. I said it.

This isn’t the Christ I signed up to support.

I need -

own.

personal.

Jesus.

I’ll let you know when I’ve scripted a Jesus who better fits my agenda and that of my political party.

Failing that, I’ll just go eat a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries.

I know how to stand up for American Jesus.

* This post is based on actual events like public FB remarks, verbal comments & blog responses by real people over the last few weeks.*

For those baffled by the style of this post, I offer the following vocabulary review.

The word for today is Satire. Defined, courtesy of Dictionary.com, as “A literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision or ridicule.”

If you, too, are disappointed in this version of Jesus, please share this post on Facebook, Twitter or your favorite social media tool.

Keep the comments civil, please.

Other posts on this topic, Gay or Bigot, Do We Have to Choose?

Posted in Politics, Spirit - Tagged Chik-fil-A's Stand for Christ, christians, equal rights for gays, gay marriage, homosexuals, moral outrage, narrow minded, politics & donations liberal hypocrites, traditional marriage

Posts in category Helping your neighbor

And The Darkness Will NOT Overcome – Us

OM Cafe Connects: Hope, A Domestic Abuse Survivor’s Story Part 1

Being the “Somebody”: OM Cafe Announcement

Chik-fil-A’s Stand for Christ. That’s Right. I’m a Jesus Freak.

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