People often say they hate negative campaigning but I don’t believe it. The truth is, negative campaigns are very effective because they accomplish their purpose, which is to create two distinct camps – “US” and “THEM”. This works because it offers voters an identity. Negative campaigning by either side creates a bad guy and a good guy so that the voter has an incentive to get to the polls and be on the winning side, the side that will crush the opposition. We all love the idea that we are the good guy and the winner, don’t we?

While I can see the power negative campaigning lends to a political agenda, I believe in day to day interactions it is detrimental to the kind of change I’d love to see in the world.

Because the truth is, political power doesn’t equal lasting change. No one side can hold power forever.  After years of being the loser, the underdog usually gets tired of being stepped on and finds a way to rally the troops, rise above the “oppression” and get on top, until the other side takes them down again. If you don’t believe me, just look at some significant examples from history like the demise of Rome at the hands of the barbarians it sought to rule, the emergence of the United States as a power separate from England and the rise of Hitler after World War 1.

In the U.S.A., we frequently see the underdog regain dominance in our elections. Republicans and Democrats wrest power from each other constantly by demonizing the other side, while Independents scream from the sidelines that both parties in power are corrupt.

Unfortunately, the result of negative campaigning is that we get used to it to the point that as non-politicians, we carry into our daily interactions with people whose opinions differ from ours. Campaigns end and politicians find a way to work with their opponents by means of negotiation and power plays to get what their constituents want. But negative campaigning often continues in the way the rest of us communicate with each other on matters social, religious and political.

Am I one of those people who believes we should all just hold hands and get along or doesn’t believe in politics? Nope. Political power is important and has obviously changed the world for the better at times. But that’s a topic for another day.

I know we will never all agree on any one creed – and that is ok with me. But, I am an American and I’m passionate about defending my right and yours to independent beliefs and free speech. And if you’ve known me long, you know I enjoy a spirited debate as well. But, I also believe that real, lasting change starts with relationships, not slogans, and drifts upward.

Why in the world am I thinking about this today in the midst of struggling with sleepless nights, keeping baby bottles filled and little people occupied indoors during a very hot summer?

I’ll tell you why.

Because a dear friend posted a meme on Facebook last night calling anyone whose opinion differed from hers on a controversial subject – a bigot. It was meant to be a hip social statement but it got under my skin in the same way one I saw last year did. That one led to a post about why I am sometimes embarrassed to say I’m a Christian  (hint: It’s not because I’m embarrassed of Jesus!).

Here it is.

First, I laughed because whoever created the meme obviously forgot to look up the definition of bigot.

A bigot is someone who is intolerant of another’s creed or belief system to the point of hating or oppressing that person. Notice the way that this meme seems to be against bigotry while actually promoting it. Truthfully, a person who believes homosexuality is a sin can still believe that gay people (like ALL people) deserve love, respect and friendship. But saying you can no longer befriend someone who holds a different opinion from yours is pretty close to the definition of bigot.

Here’s the thing. I’m not gonna post my opinions on homosexuality and whether it’s wrong or right. That’s not the point.

The point is that if we as non-politicians continue to use negative campaigning to get our points across, we’ll never really make a powerful difference in our world. Campaigning like this might win elections but it does not foster understanding. It does not encourage compassion. It does not create connection.

You see, I don’t want to live in a world where people of different political, social and religious opinions simply co-exist with each other. I’m not interested in a substandard method of connection like mere tolerance. I challenge myself, my children and you – to seek a far more powerful and world altering choice.

LOVE.

My passion and my mission while I breathe this air and share this space with my fellow men and women is to create connections between people by first seeking to understand them and then by loving them even if we do not or cannot agree. This is what is means to be in a community. Some of the most powerful, life altering relationships in my experience have been with people who hold opinions in complete opposition to mine.

Relationships with people whose opinions are different from mine require me to put aside my fear, my pride and my own prejudices to truly hear the heart of another. They require that I take the time to listen and re-examine my own beliefs for inconsistencies. They require me to stretch intellectually and take the time to carefully work through both arguments. They require me to be respectful and loving in my responses.

Saying you really care about change and actually learning to BE that change are two very different things. The next time you think about posting some polarizing, negative slogan that will cause your friends to slap you on the back and make anyone who disagrees with you feel bad or get angry, consider this. Negative campaigning that ridicules, belittles or minimizes another person’s beliefs only creates barriers between people who disagree.

What is your true intention? Looking cool and being on the “winning” side – or truly bringing change to the world? You can still stand up for your beliefs without diminishing your opponent. A good argument transcends name calling.

Change requires connection with people of opposing viewpoints and connection requires time, humility and patience. Angry slogans and shouted opinions rarely win anyone away from their deeply held beliefs.

Learning to connect with others in a significant, vulnerable and genuine manner is the true path to change. Love is far more powerful than the negative campaign. It takes thought and effort and a lot more time than a meme or a soundbite require. But I’m willing to put in the work if it means I might change the path of my small circle, my community and maybe my world to create a place where we learn to understand and love each other better.

Are you with me?

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