Category Archives: Parenting

Jun 07
0

You Can Have It All. (Or Can You?) A “Working” Mom’s Perspective

By | Honest Mothering, Uncategorized | One Comment

My friend Erin authors the blog Just Call Me Mayhem, where she writes about motherhood and living life with refreshing candor and not a little humor. Today, she’s agreed to share a very honest post about motherhood from a working mom’s perspective. As I read it for the first time, it pulled at my heart because I know it’s where so many moms are right now. It seemed perfect to share the perspective of a mom who works outside the home after my latest post about being a stay at home mom. ****SPOILER ALERT: We ALL feel like we are dropping the ball somewhere at times.****

I am convinced that in order to become the best versions of ourselves, we need to share real life with each other. Sharing reassures us that we’re not alone in our deepest struggles, gives us the opportunity to laugh and encourage each other. Somehow, the act of encouraging another person gives us the focus and strength to change our own lives for the better. Now that is powerful!! Solidarity, people. It’s what life is all about.

Erin, thanks for your honesty and willingness to share your life in these lines. 

Readers – add your encouragement or experiences in the comments. 

p.s. just to clarify, The only reason the word “Working” is in quotes in the above title is that this post is about a mom who works outside the home. I, of course, believe that all moms work. Duh.

People say, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”  Well, lately, mine has been needing a little vodka in it. 

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing blogs and Facebook posts and articles about how women today balance life, children and work and I keep thinking, “how in the hell can they possibly achieve any kind of balance?”  As you may or may not know, I am the mother of 2 1/2 year old twin boys, a wife and the general manager of a winery in WA.  The only thing I don’t have in my life is balance!

And I have no idea where to begin to find it.  My job is a salary position, so as you may imagine, I put in a lot of hours. It’s gotten to the point now that my sons express genuine surprise at me when I come home from work and they are still awake. I hear a lot of, “Mama, you home now?” With raised eyebrows and very incredulous looks.  Heartbreaking.  Mother of the year award–yeah, right.

Thankfully, I am married to the most amazing man who is not a stay-at-home Dad, but is so hands on, I cannot believe my fortune in finding him. Right now, as I write this, he is giving the boys a bath. That said, I feel untethered.

I’ve said to Chris that I am a stellar employee, a mediocre mom and a shitty wife.

And, I guess, my biggest issue is not that I want to be home with my kids all day every day–I’ve worked hard over the last 13 years in the wine industry to get where I am and I’m really good at what I do–but that I can’t even figure out where to begin to stake a claim back on my own life…

Is there a way to leave work at work?  

I suspect it’s just the nature of my job, but I keep thinking that there has to be a way for me not to spend a majority of my time obsessing thinking about my job, working remotely from home on my “days off” and just plain going in to work on my days off.  Maybe it’s a strength of character thing–I need to assert myself better–but I’m afraid of the consequences.

I don’t write this seeking a fix for my issues (pretty sure I need therapy for that!) but, just to put it out there.  

I want to be a better mom.  I want to be a better wife.  I need to assert myself at work more, set boundaries and stick up for the good things I’ve done.  And more than anything, I want to be the kind of woman who does not give up on trying to be a good mom just because work is calling.  I guess it’s all part of the Chaos & Mayhem, but frankly, I’d like to hang on to a bit more of my sanity….

How do you keep “balance” in your life with work and family?

Chaos & Mayhem is about holding on to the thread of sanity amidst the daily craziness that is my life.  I am a heavily-tattooed mom of three-year-old twin boys, a wife and the general manager of a winery in beautiful Washington state.  This is the very real story of our family and my tightrope walk to find some kind of balance.  No filters (except Instagram!) and no gloss.  You get the real me. Hopefully you find that you are not alone in the Chaos and Mayhem.  I’m here too…and I have booze. – Erin

Oct 11
0

A Story of Strength: A Son Shares His Story of Surviving Domestic Violence

By | Domestic Violence, Parenting | 2 Comments

Today’s Story is from a male reader who survived Domestic Violence. His courage in breaking the silence and the cycle of violence inspires me. I am grateful for the courage it took to share this today. I hope it will inspire you to join this growing group of voices as we break the silence.

i’m the first generation male in my family who doesn’t abuse his wife.

to acknowledge that “i’ve never hit my wife” really doesn’t push me to trademark the very phrase for anniversary cards. i do know that just veering from abuse’s influence as one of my earliest memories is an accomplishment that i’m only just recently embracing.

i saw episodes of physical abuse consisting of my dad sitting on top of my mom as he punched her repeatedly on her head as she cried to her 5 yr old son for help. this i saw peeking around the corner early one morning. what’s a 5 yr old to do?

i saw him randomly slap her face for “disrespect.”

i saw the dejected look on my mom’s face after he cut off all her hair and threw away all her decent clothes to prevent any other men from looking at her.

this was the physical abuse, but the emotional abuse is what made me realize “repression” is not a voluntary choice…

i sat in the same room as my dad accused my mom of having a relationship with her own brother.

i’ve been fully briefed as a child by my dad about his futile “sting” operations to catch my mom with other men.

his throwing a glass of orange juice in her face for reasons i still don’t know.

my dad refusing to let my mom attend her own mother’s funeral in mexico because there would be men there.

twice we were wakened in the middle of the night to flee with my mother to mexico… twice!

and in the back of my mind is that blurry incident when my dad made my mom sleep on the couch so his 30-something daughter from his previous marriage could sleep in bed with him.

then later that day a vague memory of carrying my mom’s mostly lifeless body from the bedroom after she swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.

that last one i just accepted and absorbed about a year ago.

who knows what will emerge as our vulnerabilities are not seen as shameful, but as courage for the sake of one another.

my dad died a few years ago, still trying to turn my brother and me against my mom (she finally escaped for good 3 days after i graduated high school, 21 years into an abusive marriage).

she always distanced herself as much as humanly possible from her experience as his wife, but made sure my brother and i did not distance ourselves at all from our obligations as his sons.

that’s where i learned the concept of grace and forgiveness. that’s why the house we bought for her is a few coins on the debt she paid for my brother and me.

Have you broken the silence yet? Share this story today. You do not know whose life you might be changing forever.

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Sep 26
2

Garlic Oil for Coughs & Earaches

By | Natural Health, Parenting | 31 Comments

Magic stuff!

When our kids complain about earaches and coughs, we reach for the garlic oil. Garlic has great immune boosting properties but it’s also touted as anti-bacterial and even useful for easing coughs.

Fresh garlic is best because you get more of it’s healing benefits. Plus, it’s already in your pantry!

Here’s what you need to make the oil.

  • knife
  • cutting board
  • 4 garlic cloves
  • Carrier oil like olive or coconut

1. Chop the garlic.

2. Add to 1/4 c oil.

3. Swirl to mix & let it infuse for at least 10 minutes. (Some people heat it, we don’t).

I don’t remove the garlic from the oil & it keeps a  few weeks in cooler temps & probably longer in the fridge.

We used this recently when our infant had a cough.

We also use this for earaches. I just dip a q-tip in the oil to saturate it (no garlic chunks on the cotton!) and place 3- 4 drops in the affected ear.

What natural uses do you have for garlic besides cooking? Share!

If you like this post, please pass it on. 

Sep 26
0

Natural Congestion Remedy: How to “Hose” Baby’s Nose

By | Natural Health, Parenting | 3 Comments

In babies, the nose, throat, ears are so close together and the passages are small. Congestion can lead to earaches, sinus infections or coughing. When my kids get congested, cough and complain about earaches, I “hose the nose” to move the congestion and avoid infection.

We use Simply Saline for the kids as I’ve not yet figured out how to get such small ones to use a neti pot. I hose their noses before they shower, after they shower and several times throughout the day (when they are too congested to clear it themselves).

Does sticking nasal spray up your little one’s nose (especially when it’s so small) sound intimidating? I thought so too but we’re old pros at it now. It’s so worth it to see my kids get better more quickly.


Here’s how I “hose a baby’s nose”.

1. Make eye contact and communicate.
This is so important. Before I do anything new with my baby – especially if it might scare him, I always hold him close, look into his eyes and talk to him. With the nose spray, I explain that he might not like it but that it will help him feel better. When I exude calm, he feels it and is more calm too.

2. Hold Baby Securely and Comfortably Next, I cradle him in my arms in a way that allows me to hold his body and head firmly so I don’t poke him with the nasal spray can. Before I became a pro at this, I’d lay him on the bed and cradle him with my body and arm. Much more secure!

3. Gently SprayI gently place the tip of the sprayer in his nostril and give it a good spray. I keep eye contact with my little guy while doing this, smile and encourage him.

4. Tip-Top After the good spray, I gently lift my little guy and tip his body slightly back so the saline stays in his nose for a few minutes and has the chance to loosen all that gunk.

5. Wipe & – Done! Finally, I gently wipe his nostrils with a soft cloth (not tissue) so his skin doesn’t get raw.

I always make eye contact with my baby and talk him through the entire process to reassure him I love him and that he will be ok. I didn’t know to do this with my first baby and she was just as freaked out as I felt when we had these experiences. With experience, I have learned! My youngest was scared the first few times we had to spray his nose but within a day, he handled it calmly.

And there you have it. How to “hose a baby’s nose”!

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