My friend Erin authors the blog Just Call Me Mayhem, where she writes about motherhood and living life with refreshing candor and not a little humor. Today, she’s agreed to share a very honest post about motherhood from a working mom’s perspective. As I read it for the first time, it pulled at my heart because I know it’s where so many moms are right now. It seemed perfect to share the perspective of a mom who works outside the home after my latest post about being a stay at home mom. ****SPOILER ALERT: We ALL feel like we are dropping the ball somewhere at times.****
I am convinced that in order to become the best versions of ourselves, we need to share real life with each other. Sharing reassures us that we’re not alone in our deepest struggles, gives us the opportunity to laugh and encourage each other. Somehow, the act of encouraging another person gives us the focus and strength to change our own lives for the better. Now that is powerful!! Solidarity, people. It’s what life is all about.
Erin, thanks for your honesty and willingness to share your life in these lines.
Readers – add your encouragement or experiences in the comments.
p.s. just to clarify, The only reason the word “Working” is in quotes in the above title is that this post is about a mom who works outside the home. I, of course, believe that all moms work. Duh.
People say, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” Well, lately, mine has been needing a little vodka in it.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing blogs and Facebook posts and articles about how women today balance life, children and work and I keep thinking, “how in the hell can they possibly achieve any kind of balance?” As you may or may not know, I am the mother of 2 1/2 year old twin boys, a wife and the general manager of a winery in WA. The only thing I don’t have in my life is balance!
And I have no idea where to begin to find it. My job is a salary position, so as you may imagine, I put in a lot of hours. It’s gotten to the point now that my sons express genuine surprise at me when I come home from work and they are still awake. I hear a lot of, “Mama, you home now?” With raised eyebrows and very incredulous looks. Heartbreaking. Mother of the year award–yeah, right.
Thankfully, I am married to the most amazing man who is not a stay-at-home Dad, but is so hands on, I cannot believe my fortune in finding him. Right now, as I write this, he is giving the boys a bath. That said, I feel untethered.
I’ve said to Chris that I am a stellar employee, a mediocre mom and a shitty wife.
And, I guess, my biggest issue is not that I want to be home with my kids all day every day–I’ve worked hard over the last 13 years in the wine industry to get where I am and I’m really good at what I do–but that I can’t even figure out where to begin to stake a claim back on my own life…
Is there a way to leave work at work?
I suspect it’s just the nature of my job, but I keep thinking that there has to be a way for me not to spend a majority of my time obsessing thinking about my job, working remotely from home on my “days off” and just plain going in to work on my days off. Maybe it’s a strength of character thing–I need to assert myself better–but I’m afraid of the consequences.
I don’t write this seeking a fix for my issues (pretty sure I need therapy for that!) but, just to put it out there.
I want to be a better mom. I want to be a better wife. I need to assert myself at work more, set boundaries and stick up for the good things I’ve done. And more than anything, I want to be the kind of woman who does not give up on trying to be a good mom just because work is calling. I guess it’s all part of the Chaos & Mayhem, but frankly, I’d like to hang on to a bit more of my sanity….
How do you keep “balance” in your life with work and family?
Chaos & Mayhem is about holding on to the thread of sanity amidst the daily craziness that is my life. I am a heavily-tattooed mom of three-year-old twin boys, a wife and the general manager of a winery in beautiful Washington state. This is the very real story of our family and my tightrope walk to find some kind of balance. No filters (except Instagram!) and no gloss. You get the real me. Hopefully you find that you are not alone in the Chaos and Mayhem. I’m here too…and I have booze. – Erin
Erin, thank you so much for sharing this. I have been teaching for 13 years and have successfully worked my way up the salary chain especially in the last 4 years. I am totally understanding a lot of your views. You are truly an amazing person.