Category Archives: Honest Mothering

Jun 27
1

Zucchini Coconut Oil Bread: Or How to Re-focus Destructo Girl

By | Honest Mothering, Recipes | 4 Comments

Baking isn’t something I do much of in the summer. In fact, as I mentioned to my friend Dani today, all I want to do lately is drink my meals. Before you start judging (or laughing)… While I’m tempted to imbibe large amounts of consciousness altering beverages during these sleep deprived, crazy preschooler-centric days, I’m actually drinking smoothies. Mainly veggie heavy smoothies. Yesterday, two of my three meals were smoothies. It was heavenly.

Of course, after that many smoothies, we all wanted a little something to “stick” to our ribs. Plus, we needed a distraction from the stir craziness that heat advisory house arrest creates for a mom with a younger kids.

Yesterday and today, exhaustion, the frustration of monotonous tasks and the feeling that I never get anything done anymore finally got to me and I felt myself rapidly approaching insanity. First, I gave in to my inner bi-atch and, I’m ashamed to say, was a total grump with my poor kids. Then, I freaked out and cried hysterically for a few minutes. I’m not joking. There. I said it in public!

Annoyed with myself for my lack of control, I took a deep breath and decided to change direction. When my sweet giant baby finally took a nap, I got out the mixing bowls and ingredients to make a sweet treat that would use up the zucchini overload in my fridge.

As I prepared the tools for baking, Destructo Girl came in and said, “Mommy, I would like to watch you cook.” I said, “You bet!”

We had so much fun! Doing something unusual like baking together in the middle of a hot, hot day really changed the whole attitude of our house.

I didn’t intend to create a recipe out of this. I wanted to learn a lesson about self discipline – the art of taking a breath and choosing a different path. The awesome recipe was just a happy accident.

First, I should warn you that because I didn’t intend to post this, my baking time is an estimate. I’ll update the post the next time I bake this. Second, while this recipe uses nutrient dense ingredients that are good for all of us like Coconut oil, whole wheat pastry flour, zucchini, eggs and milk, I consider it cake though most would consider it a quick bread. Nursing mamas will love that it also includes ingredients that encourage more milk – brewer’s yeast and flaxseed meal. The final result is a moist, flavorful and satisfying treat!

p.s. Please, please, PLEASE don’t ruin this recipe by trying to substitute nasty canola oil for the coconut. Ugh. If you need to sub, try melted butter or avocado oil.



*If you don’t want to heat up your house, do what I do and bake this in a convection/toast oven on the back porch. YES!

Zucchini Coconut Oil Cake

Streusel topping

  • 1/2 whole wheat pastry flour
  • 3/4 c. brown sugar
  • 1/2 t. nutmeg
  • 2 t. ground cinnamon
  • 1/4 c butter

Cake dry ingredients

  • 2 1/2 c. whole wheat pastry flour
  • 1/2 c. flax meal (I just whiz some flaxseeds in my coffee grinder)
  • 3 T. Brewer’s yeast
  • 3/4 t. nutmeg
  • 1 t. fine sea salt
  • 1 t. baking soda
  • 1 t. baking powder

Wet ingredients

  • 1 c. coconut oil
  • 2 c. brown sugar
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 t. vanilla extract
  • 2 cups grated zucchini (not drained)
  • 1/2 c. milk

1. Preheat oven to 325 F.

2. Grease and flour two loaf pans. (I used 1- 8.5×4.5×2.5″ and 1-5.25x9x2.75″ because I don’t have matching ones! This, along with my being distracted by three kids, is partly why my baking time is fudged.)

3. In a medium bowl, measure the dry streusel ingredients and mix in the butter with a fork or fingers till it resembles small crumbs. Destructo Girl used her fingers on this step and was integral to its deliciousness.

4. In a separate bowl, combine the dry ingredients and stir together thoroughly. 

5. Finally, in a larger bowl, mix the coconut oil and sugar together till well combined. (I used a hand mixer.)

6. Add the eggs one at a time till just mixed.

7. Add vanilla, zucchini and milk.

8. Finally, dump the dry ingredients into the wet and stir until just combined.

9. Divide batter between the two loaf pans, being sure not to fill more than 1/2 to the top.  (Believe me, I did this over the weekend for my oldest’s b-day cake and it was an epic mess!) This batter is pretty wet looking.

10. TOP with streusel.

11. Pop in the oven and bake somewhere between 45 min and an hour. Ok, I realize this part might freak some of you out – so here’s how to tell if it’s baked all the way. Bake it at least 1/2 hour before opening the oven because you don’t want your cake to drop. I waited about 45 before checking.

You can tell a cake is done using two tests. First, if you press gently into the middle, the dough will spring back instead of staying indented. Second, if it springs back and a toothpick inserted deep into the middle comes out clean (or with just crumbs on it – not wet!), you’re golden. If your cake is already pulling away from the sides of the pan, chances are it’s overdone.

Hope you enjoy this! Let me know if you bake it.

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May 23
0

Easing Back into Life After Birthing a Giant (11lb, 8oz) Baby!

By | Birth Choices, Honest Mothering | 6 Comments

It’s been a while since I wrote here at OM Cafe – for good reason. A while back, we FINALLY welcomed our long expected small one into our family. He was a teensy bit late in coming – at 42.5 weeks! Consequently, he was a tad larger than my previous babies who were not so dainty themselves at 9lbs 7oz and 8lbs 4oz. After significant effort, he finally emerged from his warm, cozy mama cocoon at a whopping 11lbs 8 oz!!! He came out the natural way at home with our midwife. But it’s taken me a little longer to recover from this delivery.

So, how does a girl recover from pushing out close to 12 lbs of baby?

Well…

The phrase that I am clinging to like a mantra is one all new or new *again* mamas should learn.

Are you ready?

These are brilliant words of wisdom!

Here they are –

 

“Let it GO…”

 

Wonder how good I am at this? Ask any of my close friends how good I am about being at peace with…

  • toy grenade explosions all over the floor
  • un-washed dishes
  • an unmade bed
  • a disorganized fridge (at least not organized how I normally do it!)
  • and my pet peeve…un-scrubbed tile (it’s swept but not sanitized)

I’ll give you a hint…

I SUCK at it!!! (Don’t laugh, L!)

The thing is, if I let myself focus on all those urgent, but ultimately unimportant, things right now I’ll miss out on what I and my family need most, like…

  • rest
  • peace
  • a little exercise
  • most important – getting along with my amazing husband & bonding with my baby (nursing or holding him when he needs me) and my older kids (i.e. not freaking out about stupid stuff and letting them know THEY are more important than whether the house is perfect.)

But, I’m getting better at

  • accepting help (meals, cleaning assistance from my mother-in-law)
  • learning to be kind when things aren’t done my way (I know, should have learned this a long time ago)
  • being grateful for the sweet husband who goes beyond all normal limits to keep things running around here when I’m with the baby
  • enjoying the voices of my sweet little children who are responsible for the daily toy explosion
  • knowing my limits (limited outings, a low key schedule and not cleaning like a fiend or trying to cook elaborate meals while holding a baby)

Thankfully, I have wise people in my life to remind me about it when they drop by to offer a meal and I start to apologize for the mess. Like our friend Jason who popped in last night and said, “There are plenty of other things to stress about without worrying about that stuff.”

See what I mean? Wise. 😉

As a friend used to say, “This too shall pass.” She meant the difficulties of small children – toys explosions, sibling rivalry, last minute diaper bombs that make us late and laundry that never ends. But, along with those things, those little moments of joy also pass – the soft, squishy baby cheeks, the accomplishments of each child that assure us of their miniature brilliance, sweet, small voices squealing in delight, the sound of their small feet thundering across their bedroom as they throw themselves fully into their game.

I don’t want to miss it. So, for now, I’m going to take the slow path to re-entering my normal activities so I can enjoy every happy moment, along with the frustrating ones. There is no race to the finish, no goal to accomplish at the end here. These precious moments are my life. It’s the life I dreamed of and it’s the life I’m going to enjoy – right now.

What are you learning to let go of?

Blessings ~

OM

For more on life after babies, check out this link. First Time Mamas: Surviving Your New Role

Mar 02
0

Postpartum Depression: Surviving Your New Role As “The Mama”

By | Birth Week, Honest Mothering | No Comments

Pregnancy and birth are two intense experiences in a woman’s life. The power of our bodies to create, grow and deliver a beautiful little life is mind boggling. And our bodies serve up a rather dizzying cocktail of natural hormones to create and sustain that tiny person growing inside us. While on the one hand those hormones prepare us for birth by pushing us into a nesting frenzy and giving us that mama bear protectiveness after birth, they can also leave us reeling with the rapidity with which our emotions can swing from one extreme to another. This can especially happen after everyone stops fussing over you and goes back to “normal” (you’ll never see that again!).

Since those hormone start ramping up from the start of pregnancy to at least the first few months after delivery (and longer if you breastfeed), it’s often hard to tell where the hormones end and where you begin. Looking back at my two post-birth experiences, I remember times I thought I was acting completely rational which I would now categorize as, well, crazy-style! Then there were days when I knew I wasn’t feeling right like the time I visited my OB’s office after my first baby, and began sobbing hysterically when realized I didn’t have my insurance card and the office staff was rude to me. Seriously. Loud – hiccuping – sobs-in-public!! SO embarrassing and so not me.

I soon realized that not only did I feel the “blues” after delivery, I definitely suffered from postpartum depression (both times). And, with each delivery, I felt a distinct change in my emotional and physical health around the two year mark. Thankfully, the first time, despite my having hysterics in public, my OB encouraged me that as long as I didn’t feel I was a danger to myself or my baby, I didn’t need antidepressants. As a mama who really does believe in avoiding pharmaceuticals as much as possible because of potential dangerous side affects, I’m truly grateful to her for her wise help. And, I made some changes to help me get through it.

Motherhood is a major adjustment from pre-baby life. What we might have believed would be hazy days of baby bliss can often surprise us with monotonous tasks (diapers, feedings, naps, laundry and more diapers, feedings, naps and laundry), loneliness and a loss of identity. Where have all your friends gone? What happened to the accomplished woman you believed yourself to be prior to giving birth? No education or previous career experience can quite prepare you for the difficult, wondrous, emotional and amazing gift of being a mom.

Here are some tips that helped me survive – in my new, awesome and most challenging, life role as a mom. (p.s. the rigorous exercise and crazy dancing should only come AFTER you’ve fully recovered from birth). Take it easy, mama. All in good time.

1. Get a little Vit D daily – as in Real Sunshine. 

My dad always said that if you’re feeling blue, open the blinds and let the light in. I not only let the light into the house but also go out for 15 minutes and let it shine on my bare skin, touch the ground with bare feet. The brilliance of the light truly illuminates my whole spirit.

2. Get exercise daily. 
I’m up at crazy hours with a new baby anyway, right? I try to stumble out of bed and walk up and down my block. Seriously. I don’t have to run a marathon. I just had a baby for goodness sake. I’m taking it ssssssslllllllllllllllllloooooooooooowwwwwww.  And I leave the baby with my partner. I need a break.

3. Take a shower & dress. Every.single.day.
If you haven’t had a baby, you may be saying, “Duh, Mons. Obviously.”

Have I got news for you, sister! Just wait till it’s your turn. Hahaha!!  It’s not that easy to shower when you have a 2 1/2 year old running around wreaking havoc while your newborn screams because you’ve put her down for the 45 seconds it takes you to pee. A full two minute shower with a screaming baby seems interminable and not relaxing. At. All.

But I’m learning – to do it anyway. I strap my precious munchkin into the bouncy seat, set it next to the shower and steel my heart against the cries while I lather up and let that hot (or cold) water run over me for two whole minutes (haha! or however long I can stand!). I put on clothes that feel good. I feel like a new woman and my baby is happier too.

3. Connect with other adults besides my partner.
This is so much harder than it seems! There are no end to the reasons not to get out. First of all, gathering the gear to get two small children out of the house, not to mention ensuring they both have clean diapers, is a nearly overwhelming task. I learned to pack my diaper bag the night before and try to have my bottles filled (nope, breastfeeding did not go well for me!). Hot carseats, nap schedules and other stuff get in the way. But, I keep trying! I’m looking for places to talk with adults whether it’s a La Leche League meeting, mother’s playdate group on meetup.com, church, the library or the check out at the grocery store. We need adult interaction and my partner needs a break – no matter how amazing he is.

4. Sleep every chance you get!
Especially after we’ve just given birth, we need to rest and NOT overdo. Our health depends on it. Birth is a big deal! Every more experienced mom I knew has said to me, “Sleep when your baby sleeps.” And, just as many times I probably ignored that advice because I thought I was different. My house needed to be perfect. Boy was I tired! The second time I had a baby, I listened. I’m learning – just go to sleep. The laundry will still need to be folded when I wake up – for the next 18 years. So, I’m gonna relax, get some rest and everything will seem better in the morning.

5. Eat nourishing food and drink lots of water. 
Right after having a baby is not the time to start a crazy weight loss plan. I’m learning to relax and recover, eat food that give me strength – veggies, healthy proteins & fats, whole grains, fruit and some dairy. Definitely a little chocolate! I feel way more nourished and up to the task.

6. Listen to music and dance like a crazy, crazy person. 
This is actually advice from my first OB. Such great advice. Be silly. Listen to something that reminds me of who I was before I became, “Mama” all day long. Jazz, Rock, Top 40, whatever. I dance around with my hands in the air and laugh at the sight I probably make. My kids laugh too.

7. Speaking of laughing, try it. 
Find something that makes me laugh every day. Watch a funny show, read the comic strip, surf Youtube.com. There is something out there that will lift my spirits. Daily assignment!

8. Visit a respected herbalist or acupuncturist for help. A good herbalist can suggest herbs safe for nursing mothers. Acupuncturists specialize in putting bodies and emotions back in balance. I find acupuncture so relaxing, I usually fall asleep during my treatments.  Needles, Aaaaahhhh….

If You feel DEPRESSED after having a baby (or anytime!) don’t hide it. Talk to someone who loves you about what you’re going through. Don’t wait till you feel you’re a danger to yourself or your baby. If you are, get help right away. Call your OB. Call your mom or your partner. Get a therapist!!!

Do not be embarrassed! Hormones and lack of sleep can affect our minds in surprising and profound ways.

Whatever our post partum experience, taking good care of ourselves after having a baby is essential to our overall health as moms, partners and whole women. We take care of ourselves to live a whole, healthy life and so we can take better care of our families!

Nov 01
0

Want to be a Better Parent? Me too!

By | Honest Mothering, Parenting | 4 Comments

Why does parenting seem, at times, to bring out the worst in us? Why is it so hard to stay patient when we’re dealing with the people we love most in all the world? When they’re born, we can’t imagine ever being angry or annoyed with them. But when our kids arrive at a place somewhere between 2 and 2 1/2, a switch goes off in most moms. It’s the “What will people think of me when they see you acting this way?” switch.

I’ve been there too. I’m here daily. Kids have a knack for picking the most inopportune moments to pitch a fit or decide they’re not going to listen. I lose my cool and find myself communicating at a decibel level that cannot fairly be described as “speaking”. When I’m that upset, I’m not sure what I’m doing can really be described as communicating. In truth, I’m not sure what my kids can hear when I’m that upset!

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and trying to figure out how to reset my approach to my kids. Here’s what I’ve observed.

1. I am a better parent when I get adequate sleep. Does it seem like I write about sleep a lot? That’s because since having kids, I don’t get enough. If I don’t sleep 7.5-8 hours of sleep a night, I’m not ok. You might think I’m functional at first glance but a deeper glance into my scowling eyes will convince you to WALK AWAY! I’m learning that getting enough sleep is truly my choice. It’s probably yours too.

2. I am a better parent when I take time to be “Monna”. Since I’ve been so nauseous during this pregnancy (as with my others), I’ve found it hard to go out for my weekly break alone. All work and no play make me a very dull girl! It’s essential to my mental health – and yours.

3. I’m a better parent when I get regular exercise. Do you feel like I harp on this? That’s ’cause I do! Exercise is great for the body AND the soul. Getting fresh air alone or with a friend restores our sense of perspective and physically moves stress out of our cells. More importantly, it imbues us with strength. What’s a little mess to a woman who’s just hiked a mountain or conquered the road cycling or running?

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Not-so-random-thought

Let me just break in a moment here and make an observation. Have you noticed that pregnancy is one of the only times in a woman’s life when we actually take care of ourselves? Our hormones FORCE us to listen to our needs. We get more sleep, eat regularly and generally take better care of ourselves because we know we must for our baby’s sake.

Yet, how much would we and our current family members benefit if we were to choose this daily? This is a must for moms & dads!

****************************************************

4. I’m a better parent when I maintain my sense of humor and flexibility. I know, I know. Easier said than done, right? Prior to kids, I found it so much easier to keep a regular schedule and be on time. But last minute diaper changes, lost shoes and a two year old’s brilliant idea to unravel an entire roll of toilet paper just before it’s time to leave can unsettle even the best laid plans. I can be angry or be prepared for the diaper change, plan an earlier departure time (for next time) and leave the toilet paper on the floor till we return.

5. I’m a better parent when I’m consistent with my kids.  I haven’t always been very good at this. At times it was because I was tired, distracted or just unsure of how to be consistent without resorting to disciplinary measures that I oppose, like spanking. My sister recently gave me some good advice when I confided that my previously compliant, if impishly precocious, Destructo Girl (2yo)  had decided she didn’t need to obey me anymore (as in – ever!)

“Whatever discipline you choose, do it calmly and every time she doesn’t listen.”

I took her advice and it’s made a huge difference. I chose “time outs” and within two days, DG went from constantly bucking me to listening when I speak. I feel better and I think DG does too. I’m not saying we won’t face more challenges. But, when we do, I’ll be ready to follow up with her every time.

6. I’m a better parent when I choose not to be defined by my children’s behavior. Parenting is all about teaching children how to navigate all that life entails – including making mistakes in public! Allowing myself to be “embarrassed” when my child makes a bad choice or a mistake doesn’t benefit either of us and may waste a teachable moment. It’s our job as parents to teach our kids to live wisely and well.

I’m still learning how to make the best choices and I appreciate compassion over anger every time!

Apply appropriate discipline, then grab your little person and hug them. Reassure them (and yourself) that mistakes are normal and they’ll do better next time. Help them make a plan to be successful!

Since becoming a parent, I’ve realized that much of the discipline parenting requires is mine. Being a good parent isn’t just a 9-5 task, it’s 24/7. We don’t get to come home at night at take a break. When we’ve finished our “adult” day and feel ready to sit down and take a load off, our kids are about ready to melt down too and need our full attention. Taking care of ourselves so we can be disciplined enough to maintain a sense of humor, flexibility and consistency is no small task. But the truth is, applying that discipline to ourselves is the only way we can really teach it to our kids.

Good thing I got a great night’s sleep last night. I’m ready to work on it!