death

Aug 04
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Recovering from Miscarriage; Overcoming “The LIST”

By | Miscarriage | 8 Comments

If you’ve had a miscarriage before, you know about “The List”. After miscarrying a baby you’ve been dreaming of holding, it’s only normal to compile the list. On that list go all the things we worry might have contributed to our baby’s demise.

We compile the list because we wants answers and a way to avoid pain in the future. But the truth is, a lot of pregnancies end in the first trimester and even after because the baby isn’t developing properly. My pragmatic side accepts this truth but my “that was my baby!” side doesn’t accept it.

That side of me created this list.

1. I worked to exhaustion the week before I miscarried. I had a list of housework to complete and kept going till my feet couldn’t hold me anymore.

2. I ate too much Chocolate. ‘Cause of its caffeine-like affect on our bodies. On my list of things to do the weekend I had my miscarriage was making a huge chocolate cake from scratch. Not only was I worn out but I worried that eating this might have caused my miscarriage.

3. I carried my two year old in a backpack while hiking (yes, all in the same weekend). But, I was in the habit of hiking regularly (and carrying my daughters too).

These were the items on my immediate list. Of course, the list has another side as well. It’s where you list all the things you think should have told you this pregnancy might not be a healthy one.

I only had a few…

1. I didn’t feel as sick. The 15-18 weeks of my first two pregnancies were miserable because I was sick 24/7. I woke nauseous, spent the daylight hours wishing I could be asleep to escape it and went to bed nauseous. This time, I started feeling better around 10 weeks, which made me nervous.

2. I wasn’t as emotional/exhausted this time.  My husband is a trooper and handles my crazy pregnancy mood swings very well. But, he even noticed that this time, I seemed my normal self.

I think every woman who has miscarried creates some version of the list. It is a normal part of the grieving process to look for answers.

But Mama, I hope you realize as I did, that you probably didn’t do anything to cause your miscarriage.

One thing that helped me to regain perspective and put the list behind me was to remember that moms in third world countries who have terrible diets have live babies.

Moms on crack have live babies (though often severely challenged).

If my baby didn’t make it through the first trimester despite my healthy diet and lifestyle habits, it probably wasn’t meant to be. Our womanly bodies are wiser than we recognize.

That doesn’t mean I won’t have a healthy baby in the future and that goes for you too. I decided to take the time to recover – physically, emotionally and spiritually. I cried when I needed to and I was silent when I wanted silence. I also made myself seek the company of others who reminded me that life is good.

Since I was pregnant 3 months, I gave my body at least three months to get back to normal. A pregnancy that ends in miscarriage takes as much out of us as a live birth and our bodies needs to recoup the reserves before we try again. I ate fresh, unprocessed foods, took my chinese herbs, prenatal vitamins (mainly because of the extreme blood loss) and exercised.

And, I trust that my body will carry a baby to term again when and if it’s time. I hope you trust yours too.

Recovering Physically from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage

Recovering Spiritually from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage

Share this if you know of someone who it might encourage.

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Mar 17
0

Recovering Physically from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage

By | Miscarriage | 6 Comments

This list is for those women who are recovering from miscarriage (or serious hemorrhage as a result) – and possibly more importantly, it’s for their partners and loved ones.

This month has felt like a roller coaster in some ways and I can honestly say that I would not have emerged as healthily as I have without the encouragement of my friends and family.

My story, Miscarriage and an Unexpected Turn of Events.

I have simply listed what I felt – and I have decided to categorize it all as normal. I do want to say regarding the “Guilt – was it my fault?” entry, don’t worry about reassuring me. Technically, I know it probably wasn’t my fault but those feelings are a natural and probably necessary part of the grieving process.

These are just some of the things I’m moving through or have already passed.

Recovering from Miscarriage, One Month Later. 

I hope this is a help for those of you who are going through this. I will not minimize your pain by trying to make it ok. It isn’t ok. But, know you are not alone and even if I don’t know your name, I am saying a prayer for your healing even as I write these words.

Blessings…Monna

Physical

Really weak at first but vitamins, chinese herbs and good nutrition, including lots of veggies and some red meat seemed to help me recover quickly

Mild headache from the anesthesia for about 3 days

Feeling like my head was going to fall off my body if I got up too fast in the first few days. I learned to sit up slowly and stand even more slowly. The sensation went away after 4 or 5 days. I think this is a normal result of severe blood loss. As my strength returned, my blood pressure normalized.

I had no cramping despite the major doses of pitocin they gave me to fully contract my uterus and stop the hemorrhaging. This surprised me because I remember pitocin contractions being unbearable with my first delivery but of course, my uterus was a lot smaller for this miscarriage since I was only finishing the first trimester.

Swollen, full breasts. In a crazy twist of fate, my breasts swelled up just after I returned home from the hospital and started aching like they would in pregnancy. My hormones weren’t back to normal yet, I suppose.

Brief bleeding. Differently from a natural miscarriage, because I had a D&C, I only bled for about a week. I didn’t see anything for another few days, then I had mild spotting. I freaked out (still a little nervous about bleeding, understandably) so I called a friend and she said she had the same experience. It went away after 2 days. I understand that bleeding in a natural miscarriage takes significantly longer.

Other physical symptoms of pregnancy – like still having some odd taste aversions that went away as the hormones faded.

Desire for comfort food like chocolate and ice cream. This is only physical because I definitely ate the chocolate and ice cream. I do realize the desire was emotional. A friend suggested writing a future post about chocolate therapy. It might just happen. Heehee. I refuse to judge myself. It’s been a pretty successful therapy so far.

Exhaustion. Yeah. Still feeling this way a lot of the time. I don’t have my normal stamina yet. Guess recovery from losing a lot of blood can take a while. I’m heading in the right direction.

First period after miscarriage – I had my first mooncycle (menstruation) about 35 days after my miscarriage. It was a little heavy and a normal length – about 6 days counting heavy and light days. Then, I stopped. But two days later I had a little spotting for a few hours, bright red but not heavy. I talked to several friends who said they had similar strange spotting between periods as hormone levels returned to normal.

Recovering Emotionally from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage

Recovering Spiritually from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage

The loss of a child is so painful and often isolating. I share my story in the hope that it will make you feel less alone. Please pass it on if you know of someone who it might encourage.

Don’t miss updates from Organic Mama Cafe. Subscribe.

 

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