If you’ve had a miscarriage before, you know about “The List”. After miscarrying a baby you’ve been dreaming of holding, it’s only normal to compile the list. On that list go all the things we worry might have contributed to our baby’s demise.
We compile the list because we wants answers and a way to avoid pain in the future. But the truth is, a lot of pregnancies end in the first trimester and even after because the baby isn’t developing properly. My pragmatic side accepts this truth but my “that was my baby!” side doesn’t accept it.
That side of me created this list.
1. I worked to exhaustion the week before I miscarried. I had a list of housework to complete and kept going till my feet couldn’t hold me anymore.
2. I ate too much Chocolate. ‘Cause of its caffeine-like affect on our bodies. On my list of things to do the weekend I had my miscarriage was making a huge chocolate cake from scratch. Not only was I worn out but I worried that eating this might have caused my miscarriage.
3. I carried my two year old in a backpack while hiking (yes, all in the same weekend). But, I was in the habit of hiking regularly (and carrying my daughters too).
These were the items on my immediate list. Of course, the list has another side as well. It’s where you list all the things you think should have told you this pregnancy might not be a healthy one.
I only had a few…
1. I didn’t feel as sick. The 15-18 weeks of my first two pregnancies were miserable because I was sick 24/7. I woke nauseous, spent the daylight hours wishing I could be asleep to escape it and went to bed nauseous. This time, I started feeling better around 10 weeks, which made me nervous.
2. I wasn’t as emotional/exhausted this time. My husband is a trooper and handles my crazy pregnancy mood swings very well. But, he even noticed that this time, I seemed my normal self.
I think every woman who has miscarried creates some version of the list. It is a normal part of the grieving process to look for answers.
But Mama, I hope you realize as I did, that you probably didn’t do anything to cause your miscarriage.
One thing that helped me to regain perspective and put the list behind me was to remember that moms in third world countries who have terrible diets have live babies.
Moms on crack have live babies (though often severely challenged).
If my baby didn’t make it through the first trimester despite my healthy diet and lifestyle habits, it probably wasn’t meant to be. Our womanly bodies are wiser than we recognize.
That doesn’t mean I won’t have a healthy baby in the future and that goes for you too. I decided to take the time to recover – physically, emotionally and spiritually. I cried when I needed to and I was silent when I wanted silence. I also made myself seek the company of others who reminded me that life is good.
Since I was pregnant 3 months, I gave my body at least three months to get back to normal. A pregnancy that ends in miscarriage takes as much out of us as a live birth and our bodies needs to recoup the reserves before we try again. I ate fresh, unprocessed foods, took my chinese herbs, prenatal vitamins (mainly because of the extreme blood loss) and exercised.
And, I trust that my body will carry a baby to term again when and if it’s time. I hope you trust yours too.
Recovering Physically from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage
Recovering Spiritually from Miscarriage & Hemorrhage
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