wife

Jun 07
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You Can Have It All. (Or Can You?) A “Working” Mom’s Perspective

By | Honest Mothering, Uncategorized | One Comment

My friend Erin authors the blog Just Call Me Mayhem, where she writes about motherhood and living life with refreshing candor and not a little humor. Today, she’s agreed to share a very honest post about motherhood from a working mom’s perspective. As I read it for the first time, it pulled at my heart because I know it’s where so many moms are right now. It seemed perfect to share the perspective of a mom who works outside the home after my latest post about being a stay at home mom. ****SPOILER ALERT: We ALL feel like we are dropping the ball somewhere at times.****

I am convinced that in order to become the best versions of ourselves, we need to share real life with each other. Sharing reassures us that we’re not alone in our deepest struggles, gives us the opportunity to laugh and encourage each other. Somehow, the act of encouraging another person gives us the focus and strength to change our own lives for the better. Now that is powerful!! Solidarity, people. It’s what life is all about.

Erin, thanks for your honesty and willingness to share your life in these lines. 

Readers – add your encouragement or experiences in the comments. 

p.s. just to clarify, The only reason the word “Working” is in quotes in the above title is that this post is about a mom who works outside the home. I, of course, believe that all moms work. Duh.

People say, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”  Well, lately, mine has been needing a little vodka in it. 

Over the past few weeks, I’ve been seeing blogs and Facebook posts and articles about how women today balance life, children and work and I keep thinking, “how in the hell can they possibly achieve any kind of balance?”  As you may or may not know, I am the mother of 2 1/2 year old twin boys, a wife and the general manager of a winery in WA.  The only thing I don’t have in my life is balance!

And I have no idea where to begin to find it.  My job is a salary position, so as you may imagine, I put in a lot of hours. It’s gotten to the point now that my sons express genuine surprise at me when I come home from work and they are still awake. I hear a lot of, “Mama, you home now?” With raised eyebrows and very incredulous looks.  Heartbreaking.  Mother of the year award–yeah, right.

Thankfully, I am married to the most amazing man who is not a stay-at-home Dad, but is so hands on, I cannot believe my fortune in finding him. Right now, as I write this, he is giving the boys a bath. That said, I feel untethered.

I’ve said to Chris that I am a stellar employee, a mediocre mom and a shitty wife.

And, I guess, my biggest issue is not that I want to be home with my kids all day every day–I’ve worked hard over the last 13 years in the wine industry to get where I am and I’m really good at what I do–but that I can’t even figure out where to begin to stake a claim back on my own life…

Is there a way to leave work at work?  

I suspect it’s just the nature of my job, but I keep thinking that there has to be a way for me not to spend a majority of my time obsessing thinking about my job, working remotely from home on my “days off” and just plain going in to work on my days off.  Maybe it’s a strength of character thing–I need to assert myself better–but I’m afraid of the consequences.

I don’t write this seeking a fix for my issues (pretty sure I need therapy for that!) but, just to put it out there.  

I want to be a better mom.  I want to be a better wife.  I need to assert myself at work more, set boundaries and stick up for the good things I’ve done.  And more than anything, I want to be the kind of woman who does not give up on trying to be a good mom just because work is calling.  I guess it’s all part of the Chaos & Mayhem, but frankly, I’d like to hang on to a bit more of my sanity….

How do you keep “balance” in your life with work and family?

Chaos & Mayhem is about holding on to the thread of sanity amidst the daily craziness that is my life.  I am a heavily-tattooed mom of three-year-old twin boys, a wife and the general manager of a winery in beautiful Washington state.  This is the very real story of our family and my tightrope walk to find some kind of balance.  No filters (except Instagram!) and no gloss.  You get the real me. Hopefully you find that you are not alone in the Chaos and Mayhem.  I’m here too…and I have booze. – Erin

Oct 15
0

Domestic Violence – Arizona’s Victim Resources, Shelters & Advocates

By | Uncategorized | No Comments

This month is all about Breaking the Silence about Domestic Violence here at Organic Mama Cafe.

We’ve heard from several survivors…

Women

And men

We’ve heard from a Prosecutor who changed a life by sharing her education with a community on the other side of the globe

There are a few more voices who will be adding their wisdom in this conversation.

But today, I want to share a great place for Domestic Violence victims to find statewide resources.

Click on this Arizona Department of Public Safety list of shelters and advocate organizations.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is using words or physical force to intimidate you…

If you are in danger…

Please, please know that you deserve to be loved and cherished.

No one should demean you or hurt you.

By staying, you enable your abuser to continue to be abusive. Break the silence and cripple his or her power.

Call 911 if you have to and run, don’t walk to the nearest shelter.

There are people waiting to help you.

You CAN have a different life.

You just have to take the first step.

Have you broken the silence yet?

Share this post today. You do not know whose life you may forever change.

Oct 11
0

A Story of Strength: A Son Shares His Story of Surviving Domestic Violence

By | Domestic Violence, Parenting | 2 Comments

Today’s Story is from a male reader who survived Domestic Violence. His courage in breaking the silence and the cycle of violence inspires me. I am grateful for the courage it took to share this today. I hope it will inspire you to join this growing group of voices as we break the silence.

i’m the first generation male in my family who doesn’t abuse his wife.

to acknowledge that “i’ve never hit my wife” really doesn’t push me to trademark the very phrase for anniversary cards. i do know that just veering from abuse’s influence as one of my earliest memories is an accomplishment that i’m only just recently embracing.

i saw episodes of physical abuse consisting of my dad sitting on top of my mom as he punched her repeatedly on her head as she cried to her 5 yr old son for help. this i saw peeking around the corner early one morning. what’s a 5 yr old to do?

i saw him randomly slap her face for “disrespect.”

i saw the dejected look on my mom’s face after he cut off all her hair and threw away all her decent clothes to prevent any other men from looking at her.

this was the physical abuse, but the emotional abuse is what made me realize “repression” is not a voluntary choice…

i sat in the same room as my dad accused my mom of having a relationship with her own brother.

i’ve been fully briefed as a child by my dad about his futile “sting” operations to catch my mom with other men.

his throwing a glass of orange juice in her face for reasons i still don’t know.

my dad refusing to let my mom attend her own mother’s funeral in mexico because there would be men there.

twice we were wakened in the middle of the night to flee with my mother to mexico… twice!

and in the back of my mind is that blurry incident when my dad made my mom sleep on the couch so his 30-something daughter from his previous marriage could sleep in bed with him.

then later that day a vague memory of carrying my mom’s mostly lifeless body from the bedroom after she swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.

that last one i just accepted and absorbed about a year ago.

who knows what will emerge as our vulnerabilities are not seen as shameful, but as courage for the sake of one another.

my dad died a few years ago, still trying to turn my brother and me against my mom (she finally escaped for good 3 days after i graduated high school, 21 years into an abusive marriage).

she always distanced herself as much as humanly possible from her experience as his wife, but made sure my brother and i did not distance ourselves at all from our obligations as his sons.

that’s where i learned the concept of grace and forgiveness. that’s why the house we bought for her is a few coins on the debt she paid for my brother and me.

Have you broken the silence yet? Share this story today. You do not know whose life you might be changing forever.

Read a Prosecutor’s Perspective.

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It’s free & I always respect your privacy.

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