{"id":158,"date":"2011-11-19T21:01:40","date_gmt":"2011-11-19T21:01:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/?p=158"},"modified":"2012-10-13T07:11:15","modified_gmt":"2012-10-13T07:11:15","slug":"recovering-from-miscarriage-9-months-and-counting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/2011\/11\/recovering-from-miscarriage-9-months-and-counting\/","title":{"rendered":"Recovering from Miscarriage, 9 months and counting"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: left;\">It&#8217;s been 9 months since I had a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/?p=129\" target=\"_blank\">life-threatening miscarriage<\/a> due to hemorrhage in February 2011.\u00a0 At the time, I promised to share a little from time to time abo<a href=\"http:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sideshot1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-426\" title=\"PageLines- sideshot.jpg\" src=\"http:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sideshot1-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sideshot1-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sideshot1-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/07\/sideshot1.jpg 1728w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/><\/a>ut healing after miscarriage. So here are some glimpses into the past &#8211; almost year.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">****************<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><strong><em>April 2011<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">My moon-cycle (period, monthly etc) started today. I&#8217;ve been feeling grumpy, bloated, snarly, feeling giant and everything that sometimes accompanies that time of the month. When I saw that red today, I felt raw and vulnerable. Everywhere I turn I see pregnant women. Even my four year old notices it. As we watched another family walk into the store with three kids she remarked sadly, &#8220;You know, I really wanted us to have three kids in our family, Mom.&#8221; I gulped and said, &#8220;Me too, baby. We still may.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">****************<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><em><strong>May 2011<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><em><strong><\/strong><\/em>This month one of my dearest friends, who shared both my early pregnancy journeys, came for a visit from out of state. It was both healing and heartbreaking. I loved seeing our kids together, playing happily. As I held her youngest and third little one, I squeezed his sweet, chubby rolls close to me and breathed in his perfect baby scent. And my heart felt squeezed a little too as tears rolled down my cheeks without my permission. I couldn&#8217;t help but think about the baby I should have been heavy with by this point.<\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t begrudge her the joy of her baby, of course. I just wish mine could be here too.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">****************<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>June 2011<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>The &#8220;real&#8221; bills are starting to arrive regularly and the dollars are adding up. At first, it felt like insult added to injury. Not only did I not bring my baby home, a miscarriage cost more than a live birth! I&#8217;ve decided instead of dreading those little square envelopes, I&#8217;m going to say a little prayer of thanks every time I open one. After all, if it weren&#8217;t for the ambulance service, hospital and doctors who are sending bills, I wouldn&#8217;t be here to worry about paying them!<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>postscript<\/strong>:<\/em> YES!! Due to our being on a single income, we discovered that not one but TWO of our largest bills were completely forgiven. I spent an afternoon in happy tears and feeling gratitude for unexpected blessings.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">**************<\/p>\n<p><strong><em>July 2011<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I find myself thinking of my little one more and more as my due date approaches. Was the baby a girl or a boy? It doesn&#8217;t really \u00a0matter, I suppose. But seeing pregnant women who are just about the stage I would have been at this month sometimes brings a stab of pain to my heart. In my more tired, vulnerable moments, I find tears coming to my eyes.<\/p>\n<p>But most of the time, I trust that my baby was just not meant to come for some reason. I am starting to recognize how different that pregnancy was from my first two. I wasn&#8217;t very sick &#8211; and I was wretched with my first two. I\u00a0just felt different last time.<\/p>\n<p>Fears about getting pregnant again definitely surfaced this month since I am at a point physically where I&#8217;m healthy enough to get pregnant. My cycle was regular within a month of the miscarriage but I wanted to build my system back up again after the severe blood loss. This month, I have to admit I&#8217;m completely back to myself. But, the thought of getting pregnant and possibly losing another baby or almost dying again really gives me pause. I spent about a week before my cycle was due reliving the experience, feeling that faintness and seeing blood everywhere. Maybe it&#8217;s kind of like PTSD?<\/p>\n<p>Then, I reminded myself that one of the primary lessons I learned from almost not being here &#8211; was to BE HERE. I am determined to experience life to the fullest and not let fear hold me back. So, I put those thoughts out of my mind and decided I&#8217;d cross that bridge when I come to it.<\/p>\n<p><em><strong>August 2011 &#8211; November 2011<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p>While I still miss my little one and always will, I am not morbidly depressed or constantly in mourning. This may be because I already have two children to keep me busy. I want to grieve in a healthy way but still stay engaged in life.<\/p>\n<p>I am learning to speak of my baby &#8211; not only here but in &#8220;real&#8221; life too. I am open about admitting I have had a miscarriage when it is appropriate and I&#8217;m not afraid to stretch the realms of what is appropriate either. I hope that kind of honesty from me and others will open the door for us as parents, family and friends to mourn miscarriage loss as legitimately as the loss of\u00a0 loved ones we have had a chance to meet and love in person.<\/p>\n<p>Lastly, most of you know that we are again expecting a little one sometime next year. I hope this encourages those of you who&#8217;ve had a miscarriage &#8211; whether or not it was as physically dramatic as mine. There IS life and hope after grief and loss!<\/p>\n<p>Please keep commenting and sending me your stories. My hope is that women searching for hope and encouragement will find this blog and your comments and know they are not alone.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp.me\/p1GpYg-2k\" target=\"_blank\">Recovering Physically from Miscarriage &amp;amp; Hemorrhage<\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp.me\/p1GpYg-Pc\" target=\"_blank\">Recovering Spiritually from Miscarriage &amp;amp; Hemorrhage<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Please pass this on if you know of someone who it might encourage.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Don\u2019t miss updates from Organic Mama Cafe. Subscribe.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"wysija-register\">YTo3OntzOjk6IndpZGdldF9pZCI7czoyMDoid3lzaWphLW5sLTEzNTAxMTE0MjIiO3M6NToibGlzdHMiO2E6MTp7aTowO3M6MToiMSI7fXM6MTA6Imxpc3RzX25hbWUiO2E6MTp7aToxO3M6MTM6Ik15IGZpcnN0IGxpc3QiO31zOjEyOiJhdXRvcmVnaXN0ZXIiO3M6MTc6Im5vdF9hdXRvX3JlZ2lzdGVyIjtzOjEyOiJsYWJlbHN3aXRoaW4iO3M6MTM6ImxhYmVsc193aXRoaW4iO3M6Njoic3VibWl0IjtzOjEwOiJTdWJzY3JpYmUhIjtzOjc6InN1Y2Nlc3MiO3M6NTA6IkNoZWNrIHlvdXIgaW5ib3ggbm93IHRvIGNvbmZpcm0geW91ciBzdWJzY3JpcHRpb24uIjt9<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s been 9 months since I had a life-threatening miscarriage due to hemorrhage in February 2011.\u00a0 At the time, I promised to share a little from time to time about&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[20,33,47],"tags":[342,78,341,343,344,96,340,73,299,345],"class_list":["post-158","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscarriage","category-parenting","category-pregnancy","tag-baby","tag-baby-loss","tag-blood","tag-death","tag-emotionally","tag-grief","tag-loss","tag-miscarriage-2","tag-physical","tag-spiritual"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1GpYg-2y","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=158"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/158\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1580,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/158\/revisions\/1580"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}<!-- WP Super Cache is installed but broken. 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