$\"\"$ <\/a>

Just call me ole “Crazy Eyes”!<\/p><\/div>\n

Somewhere along the way, I got a little lost. Again.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Or, if you prefer, I lost my sanity. I hardly had time to go to the bathroom (never alone, of course) let alone work out, write or visit with friends.<\/p>\n

The consequence of letting my schedule fill up this much with no break – was me – super crazy style and, finally, HY-STER-ically bursting into tears this week during what was supposed to be a quick phone chat with Rob while he was at work.<\/p>\n

Oops!<\/p>\n

Robert patiently listened as I cried for a good ten minutes while trying to verbalize my feelings (mostly incoherently). I tried to explain my frustration at feeling like every time I start to get my feet under me with the kids, schedule, life, my feet get kicked out from under me. I’m flat on my behind,\u00a0again,<\/em> wondering what happened and thinking “Am I the only one who feels this way?” and “When I am I gonna figure life out once and for all?” Ha!<\/p>\n

I felt the weight<\/p>\n

\n
of Parenting without Rob (briefly) and the guilt of feeling sorry for myself when so many women do it alone always.<\/em><\/li>\n
of Financial stress<\/em> as we continue to live on a single, ministry income and wondering if we’re really passionately committed or just foolishly stubborn.<\/li>\n
of Wondering if we are jumping from the frying pan into the fire<\/em> with the house. We are leaving amazing neighbors, a beautiful home in an incredible neighborhood and fixed monthly expenses.<\/li>\n
of keeping crazy artists’ schedules<\/em> that limit the time Rob and I see each other. Our conversations become just the business of surviving our schedule\/budget\/kids & we lose the joy of our friendship.<\/li>\n
of missing my mom & my dad.<\/em>\u00a0I ache with their absence.<\/li>\n

of making so many mistakes with my kids<\/em> as I try to just survive sometimes. I lose my temper when I want so much to respond with love and patience.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
I felt alone.<\/strong><\/p>\n
I felt alone because of a daily schedule, centered around small children and solitary tasks, that isolates me. I felt alone because Rob was gone and I desperately missed connecting with him daily. I felt alone because after illness, I didn’t have the energy to plan ahead for friend dates or even call to chat. And I felt alone because I wasn’t comfortable sharing the challenges I was experiencing with other people.<\/p>\n
What if they think I’m crazy?\u00a0What if they reject me?\u00a0What if I really DO suck at my life?<\/p>\n
In the midst of my pity party, something happened to me that seems to happen when I most need it. You see, I sent out a plea for help. \u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
I prayed a desperate prayer for wisdom and encouragement and friendship.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n
And, the Divine answered\u00a0– in the form of conversations with loved ones and not-so-chance meetings with random strangers. Oh, and a good night’s sleep.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
\n
My conversation with Rob helped.<\/em> Crying is therapeutic and so is communicating your true feelings to your best friend.<\/li>\n
I called a girlfriend and spilled my guts<\/em> to her. Guess what? She spilled right back! Suddenly, I was no longer alone. We wept together and laughed together and my heart healed a little just hearing her voice.<\/li>\n
I talked to my Real Estate agent<\/em>, who shares my faith. Her vivacious spirit bolstered my spirits.<\/li>\n
My Mother-in-law reminded me – to count my many, many blessings<\/a><\/em>. As usual, she was right.<\/li>\n
I heard an interview on NPR with Maya Angelou<\/em>\u00a0and wept in grief over the tragedies she has survived with such grace and love. My life has been a cake walk compared to hers. I resolved to buck up.<\/li>\n
A young women with a friend and a little girl at the library\u00a0gave me chocolate<\/em>. Really. (I swear it isn’t the “GIVE ME CHOCOLATE OR DIE!” shirt I wear daily.) As I wrestled my small brood toward the entrance, this young woman pulled a elegantly wrapped package of chocolate covered strawberries out of a full basket, saying, “My mom works at the library and we made these for the moms there. We have extra. Happy Mother’s Day!”\u00a0 (Ok, so I didn’t eat the strawberries because I’m a city girl and it freaked me out a little but I do think she was genuinely being nice.)<\/li>\n
Tonight it happened at the coffee shop in conversations with familiar faces<\/em> and a moment when a random dude offered me part of his cookie in the spirit of enjoying life – without expecting anything in return.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
There was a lot of weeping this week.<\/span><\/p>\n
But in the midst of weeping, I remembered how I’d acquired the power I’d felt a few months ago before the floor slid out from under my feet. It wasn’t just something I mustered alone.<\/p>\n
Here is the wisdom and power part.<\/p>\n
I am NOT alone.<\/em> And neither are you. Besides the God who, I believe to be ever-present, a lot of people traveling near us carry the same burdens or<\/em> different burdens that weigh just as much or more. We only feel isolated because we’re reluctant to BE HONEST and “burden”\u00a0others with who we are and what we’re experiencing.<\/p>\n
The truth is, isolating ourselves strips us of\u00a0the comfort, wisdom and, yes<\/strong>, power we gain by connecting with others, by SHARING our burdens rather than hiding them.<\/p>\n
But it’s not just the bearing of burdens, it’s the sharing of life in general that strengthens our ability to handle all that life has to offer us. Realizing I am part of a larger picture takes the pressure off the “everything is about me” syndrome.<\/p>\n
Taking the time to listen to other people and share the good\/bad\/mundane in their daily experiences and yes, their cookies (Wait. Uh, that didn’t come out right!) puts my own life back in perspective. My heart feels fuller and my life richer each time I realize I am connected to others who are going through the same things as me..<\/p>\n
Maybe everybody else already has this down but it’s a lesson I have to keep hearing in different ways as I figure out my life.<\/p>\n
It takes courage to put aside the light-infused Facebook photographs and share ALL of me. But I am learning – it’s worth it.<\/p>\n
What is your life really<\/em> like? Are you willing to share?<\/p>\n
If this is what you needed to hear today, chances are it will encourage someone you know. Take a moment and share it using the buttons below.<\/em><\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
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Ok, this sounds kind of strange, I grant you. But it\u2019s true. Tonight I took a cookie from a stranger, something I\u2019ve told my kids never to do.\u00a0But this cookie…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3811,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[35,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-live-now","category-local-phoenix"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/05\/cookies-e1369702413468.jpg","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1GpYg-Yh","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3737","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3737"}],"version-history":[{"count":37,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3737\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4632,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3737\/revisions\/4632"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3811"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.organicmamacafe.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}