“Real” Friends Still Call, Even if They Use Facebook.

This morning,  I am thinking about the way we connect ( or don’t connect) with each other since the inception of the plethora of social media that surrounds us these days. I have been p0ndering this for a while as I learn to navigate the way technology has invaded my personal relationships. Perhaps I’m getting a bit old since I find it hard to adjust to sometimes. But, my friend Scott’s post, Building a Relationship Seems like Too Much Work, pushed me to write a little this morning. This is a good thing since I haven’t written much since my post, So, You Think I’m Crazy to Birth at Home. My thinking has been pretty myopic lately.

These days, not only is there texting but there’s Facebook, Twitter, Piniterest, Google Plus and an overwhelming list of tools people use to connect with each other.

For me, getting used to all the communication options has been somewhat overwhelming and, at times, a little discouraging. I love texting as much as the next person because it allows me to send or receive a message when I or the person I’m contacting is in a place where they can’t talk or when it’s something small that doesn’t require a phone conversation. What a great invention!!

But the huge downside to our having all these different ways to communicate with each other is that we often feel over-exposed and like we’ve already “seen” or “talked” with someone without having actually heard their voice or seen their face. We are missing a true human connection.

When I was in high school and college, my friends and I called each other, hung out, even wrote letters. Recently, as part of my “nesting” projects, I’ve been cleaning out old journals, cards and letters and I couldn’t believe the number of letters (long ones!) I have received over the years from both female and male friends. There was no doubt who real friends were because we made such a solid effort to stay in touch.

Now, with all the ways we have to contact each other, my calls to friends often go completely unanswered or I’ll get text messages back saying we should catch up “soon”, but they don’t call me back for weeks or months. When we finally do see each other, we have a great time and there is genuine chemistry. But, somehow getting over that initial difficulty of returning a simple call seems too much for some people.

Perhaps the ease with which we can all connect with each other instantaneously sometimes blurs the line between acquaintances and real friends. But I also think because it’s so easy for us to connect, we may be neglecting those friendships that we actually value. We assume we’ll get around to calling eventually but get caught up with the busyness of every day life. When you’re the person waiting for the return call, you can sometimes wonder whether your friendship is really all that important to the other person.

I appreciate Scott’s post yesterday that really made me think about this a little more and I’m going to work on not taking for granted my ability to create real relationships with friends. I don’t want to live my entire life “virtually”. I want to hear the music of my friends voices, look into their eyes as we talk to see their hearts and see the beauty of their faces. My goal for this year is to be sure I’m taking the time and effort to value my relationships.

Have you noticed a difference in the way you or your friends connect (or don’t connect) because of technology?